Rail Rage

Generally speaking, riding the train to and from work is preferable to driving in rush hour traffic -both on a environmental level and a personal stress level. There are however the minor details of public transit that the car dwellers will never have to deal with and that I as a hormonal pregnant woman have come to loathe in the past few weeks. One of my other pregnant girlfriends has told me she has developed an inexplicable road rage throughout her pregnancy, I think I am beginning to develop a case of rail rage - which presents many more problems than road rage because I am not in my own isolated vehicle...I have no protection when I am compelled to give someone the finger and tell them to go f*ck themselves...such was my ride home last night.

Opening Scene: I enter the first car of the train, as I have done everyday for the past several years. This is now a quiet train, which means cell phone use is minimal, no talking, etc... This is an approx 45 min train ride, my stop is the last - so the handful of us that ride the train all the way to the end see each other everyday. While the car may start the journey with standing room only, by the time we get to my stop, there are only the same 10 or 15 of us getting off at that final stop each day.

The incident: I'm guilty, I forgot to turn my cell phone to vibrate. With about 10 minutes left on the ride, and most of the car empty, my cell phone rings 3 times before I can grab it out of my bag and talk quietly to Chris for 30 seconds. The woman in front of me turns and gives me the stink eye. As we are pulling into our final stop, literally you can see the station, my phone rings - 1/2 ring before I cut it off and apologize out loud for the mistake. The stink eye woman makes an over exaggerated sighing sound and says without looking at me, "Jesus, this is the quiet train. In case you can read, there is a sign above your head that will explain what that means." Now let me preface the rest of this story with the fact that the woman in question is probably pushing 60 and has a beehive like hairdo - just a grumpy old ninny. I should have just let it go, but...

My reaction: "WHAT DID YOU SAY? YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME LADY? I CAN READ AND I ALREADY APOLOGIZED - SO WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?INSTEAD OF MAKING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COMMENTS, WHY DON'T WE JUST MAKE THIS AN AGGRESSIVE CONVERSATION - YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO ADD?" The girl sitting across the aisle gets startled and drops her cell phone. The woman gives me another stink eye, but doesn't say anything, she thinks her nasty looks are somehow going to intimidate me. At this moment we pull into the final stop. She gets out of her seat and walks past me, I grab my bags in a very dramatic fashion and stand as close to her as possible while we wait to exit the train. I am standing right behind her, making sure to be standing up straight to emphasize my 3 foot height advantage and let her know she is messing with the wrong person. As we get off the train, she tells the ticket collector to have a nice evening - the same guy I always say goodnight to - I shoot him a nasty look for being in co hoots with this bitch. I follow her, closely, all the way out of the station and to her bus, which was on the way to the parking garage I was heading to anyway. But I made her think I was going to kick her ass. I'm sitting in my car, considering following the bus to wherever it's going to give her a piece of my mind, or my fist. At this point I realize I might have been in the wrong here - whatever, I'm tired, I go home.

A few additional comments about the people I ride the train with:

"hey guy, i don't care about your wife's colonoscopy. i don't mind the hellos and small chit chat b/c we see each other everyday, but I"m not going to disclose to you the details of my last pap smear so please keep your family medical history to yourself."

"hey lady, I can smell your adult diaper. Your Avon perfume isn't helping. Unless you clean your ass with it, Jean Nate is doing you no favors"