It's a ....baby!

After waiting for what has seemed like a lifetime, we finally had our appointment for the ultrasound that would determine our "fetal anatomy." I could not wait...it's weird having something growing inside of you and not knowing what it is. I have joked for weeks that I hope it's a unicorn, but secretly have wanted it to be a boy. It may be wrong for a mother to say this, but as you have probably figured out, I think I'm saying a lot of things you're not supposed to.

The woman that administered the ultrasound was a complete bitch. She dumped warm goop all over my stomach, and then didn't talk to me for twenty minutes. If she hadn't had the ultrasound thingy in her hand, I would have felt like I'd just been taken advantage of. When I tried to ask her a question about what was on the screen, she snapped at me that she was just trying to do her job, and she had to do it as quickly as possible while the baby wasn't moving and she couldn't talk at the same time. I thought, "so it is a baby! - tough luck on it not being a unicorn, but glad to know all is normal in there."

She spent the next 5-10 minutes complaining that my baby was difficult and she couldn't get the pictures she needed. I asked her if she could at least tell us the sex, her response - "you want to know that?!" WTF - why is everyone so against us finding out the sex? I don't need the surprise on the day of, trust me. Pushing a living creature out of my body will be enough of a surprise for the day, thank you very much. She pretty much said she thought it was a girl, but couldn't be sure. I would probably have to come back if I wanted to know 100%.

I got in the car with my husband and cried. I'm not sure why I wanted a boy so badly, I think it's because I can relate more to playing baseball in the yard than I can to ballet practice. I think also because it's so hard being a girl, we have to work so much harder, and what if she ends up a giant like me? What if her favorite color is pink, she loves barbie dolls and wants an easy bake oven??? I don't even know how to use our real oven. It freaks me out.

Then of course I feel guilty for being upset, because I should just be thankful. I remind myself, that no matter what the sex of the baby is, I can make it be whatever I want it to be, and make it like whatever I want it to like ... this makes me feel better. ;)