Over a month has passed since my last post, and while I've been very busy with little Mila, I've wondered why I haven't updated the blog - suprised at myself that I've actually run out of things to say. Upon further consideration, I've realized that I haven't run out of things to say, I just have less things to bitch about these days (although my husband may disagree with that statement).
Pregnancy and labor for me was a horrific and frightening experience, period. I have friends that loved being pregnant, friends that were amazed and thrilled with the labor process, friends that might have shared some of my feelings about it - though I doubt they would have ever shouted their discontent from the rooftops as I did for nine months (ahem, correction -10 months). While I know that every pregnancy is different, I do wonder if its just my personality (or some flaw therein) that made my response to my experience so outrageous.
The demons were definitely exercised the moment Mila was born (I'm not insinuating that Mila is a demon...) but there are still so many challenges that I'm still facing - mainly this process of creating a whole new definition of self and more importantly of purpose. I kind of feel like these things will figure themselves out over time - I guess my more relaxed outlook has something to do with the awesomeness that is Mila and maybe a little bit to do with the fact that I can once again engage in the occasional cocktail. (don't judge me!) A friend said to me recently, "you seem so calm." And you know what? I feel calm - not like buddha calm, but probably as calm as I could ever be. I still have my complaints and worries and frustrations, but I don't feel like they're eating me from the inside anymore. But don't tell my husband about this confession of clarity and rediscovered sanity, I need to keep him on his toes.
I'm hoping this new found zen-ness will not interfere with my ability to write a hostile entry on this blog every now and again - but the tone may change a bit. I'll try to refrain from being one of those, "i'm so in love, she is so perfect, i'm so happy, blah blah blah." I'm assuming that is how everyone feels - plus, you've seen the pictures, I don't have to tell you how great she is - it's obvious she is the most perfect/adorable/smart baby ever, so we can just all acknowledge it and move on.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Very Happy for you in your new zenlike state.
ReplyDelete