Driving in to work today (they FINALLY gave me a parking pass so I"m not having to walk a mile to and from the train station every day) I was listening to some old CDs while sitting in traffic. As we've discussed before, my emotions have been a bit overwhelming for the duration of this pregnancy and as I sang along with Robert Earl this AM I found myself in a flood of nostalgia and desperately missing Texas.
Like any true Texan, I LOVE Texas...and I have the t-shirt and bumper sticker to prove it. The fondness for my home state baffles my husband, as PA isn't exactly selling out of keystone shaped memorabilia, nor are the citizens bound by an unspoken code to put a "boot in your ass" should you "mess with" PA. To me, Texas is homemade sweet tea, good manners, a quiet pride and loud humbleness, a smile at a stranger, a really long drive that you actually look forward to because the music is so good and the conversation so easy.
But I love Philadelphia too, there is no comparison to this city. The diversity, the culture, the unapologetic sincerity, the unwillingness to take it easy - the blunt acknowledgement of how far there is to go and why we need to get there. Philadelphia has been good to me, it hasn't taken care of me the way Texas did, but rather made me learn to take care of myself. This city has forced me to take a long hard look at myself, accept what I see, and discard a lot of that southern guilt that, despite how much sugar comes with it, isn't as easy to down as the sweet tea.
But on this morning, driving through the city, singing...
"This old porch is just a long time of waiting and forgetting.
Remembering the coming back and not crying about the leaving.
And remembering the falling down and the laughter of the curse of luck,
From all those son's of bitches who said we'd never get back up.."
...I'm looking forward to us remembering the coming back. Love you family, miss you much. Wish you all were here as the days get closer to baby Morganti's arrival.
The Front Porch Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyyNPB9iCAM
Friday, January 22, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
head over heels
My clumsiness is amplified 100% by the extra weight and cankles - last week I actually fell while coming back from lunch with a co-worker. Here's the story: I love me some free, so whenever I get a fountain soda at lunch, I always make sure I get a refill before leaving the establishment and take it back to work with me. My co-worker makes relentless fun of me for this, but I find her unwillingness to get the most value out of a purchase absurd...she actually threw away a half full soda that day...its a point we agree to disagree on. Anyways, we're walking back to the office, bitching about the bitch in our department, when one of my cankles rolls over and I feel myself start to fall. Given my height, and my history of tripping/falling, I know when it's a go and there is no turning back...luckily with all my volleyball training I at least can usually fall without hurting myself. This is my first time falling while pregnant, but definitely not my first rodeo in terms of falling in general...in fact, once I'm on the ground, with my co-worker bug eyed and panicked standing over me - I ask her to please take my soda, which I have managed to save the majority of (obviously most of my falls usually involve another type of beverage that I have become an expert at not spilling). I laugh it off, get up and dust myself off - and take my soda back. Once we get back to the office, she convinces me to go home and put my feet up, so I catch an early train home and call my mom - who of course demands that I call my Dr. My Dr. then demands that I go to the hospital....wait...what?? Hospital? Why? Apparently I"m a dumb ass because it's a big deal to fall on your stomach when you're 38 weeks pregnant - so I go get monitored for a few hours, all of which is very scary but luckily everything turns out to be just fine. I think the important take away here is that I was MORE CONCERNED ABOUT MY SODA THAN MY PREGNANT BELLY...how I can possibly be mother material when my first concern is the status of my free refill, which technically I shouldn't even be drinking if I were a good mom because it has caffiene and no nutritional value what so ever??
I'm now having daily panic attacks about the baby's movement, what she will look like, what if I go into labor on the R6 train, what if she has that foot problem that the fetus on Grey's Anatomy had last week?? That could be going on inside me right now and no one would know, I haven' t had an ultra sound since the summer... what if, all my joking aside, I've done something over the past 9 months that has in some way harmed her? What if my little bit of coffee each day has caused some type of damage...what kind of person am I to even take such risks, how selfish of me. Is she moving enough, I don't think she's moving enough, I'll drink some juice and see if she moves more, I don't think she moved more, she's moving 10 times an hour, but not nearly as much as she used to, is she too tight in there, is she too lethargic, do I need to move around more to keep her moving, why didn't the juice work, what if i drink something hot and then something cold, will that make her move, is that like fetal torture to expose her to really hot or really cold....OMG...enough already. Please just get here safe and sound.
And, dearest baby girl, please accept my sincerest apologies for already losing 3 of your socks. I was trying to do you a favor and wash your clothes before you got here, and somehow I managed to already screw that up. Your father doesn't even let me do his laundy because I lose socks so frequently...it will be interesting to see what type of person you will be when it comes to your socks. A free wheeling, devil may care, so what if I have on two different socks kind of person like me - or a sock stickler that insists every sock have an exact mate, because god forbid someone notice that peeking out from between your pant leg and the top of your shoe the white socks you have on aren't the exact same height. I'm looking forward to finding this and many other things out about you, please stop making me worry so much and just get here already.
I'm now having daily panic attacks about the baby's movement, what she will look like, what if I go into labor on the R6 train, what if she has that foot problem that the fetus on Grey's Anatomy had last week?? That could be going on inside me right now and no one would know, I haven' t had an ultra sound since the summer... what if, all my joking aside, I've done something over the past 9 months that has in some way harmed her? What if my little bit of coffee each day has caused some type of damage...what kind of person am I to even take such risks, how selfish of me. Is she moving enough, I don't think she's moving enough, I'll drink some juice and see if she moves more, I don't think she moved more, she's moving 10 times an hour, but not nearly as much as she used to, is she too tight in there, is she too lethargic, do I need to move around more to keep her moving, why didn't the juice work, what if i drink something hot and then something cold, will that make her move, is that like fetal torture to expose her to really hot or really cold....OMG...enough already. Please just get here safe and sound.
And, dearest baby girl, please accept my sincerest apologies for already losing 3 of your socks. I was trying to do you a favor and wash your clothes before you got here, and somehow I managed to already screw that up. Your father doesn't even let me do his laundy because I lose socks so frequently...it will be interesting to see what type of person you will be when it comes to your socks. A free wheeling, devil may care, so what if I have on two different socks kind of person like me - or a sock stickler that insists every sock have an exact mate, because god forbid someone notice that peeking out from between your pant leg and the top of your shoe the white socks you have on aren't the exact same height. I'm looking forward to finding this and many other things out about you, please stop making me worry so much and just get here already.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Confessions of a Cereal Killer
Last night I ate two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner, two days before that it was three bowls of Cocoa Pebbles, I occasionally throw in a bowl of Raisin Bran just for good measure and appearances, and I truly wish that Captain Crunch wasn't so brutal on my gums, because it too would be in my normal rotation. Those crunch berries are the things that dreams are made of.
Until recently, I was a raging Anti Dentite - trips to the dentist usually resulted in my feeling bad about myself, smoking too much, drinking too much coffee, not flossing often enough. But now I would give anything for a good teeth cleaning and a little gum relief. Another thing no one seems to talk about is the rapid decline of your oral health as a result of pregnancy. True, I'm sure all of the candy hasn't helped. But I've gone from a zero cavity gal to snaggle tooth in a matter of months. I gave up Captain Crunch months ago because I'm quite certain that along with the cut gums, my teeth were chipping with every chomp on delicious berries.
I haven't been posting as frequently as I would like these past few weeks. I think the reason is that things are becoming less and less amusing as this pregnancy wears on. What was once playful commentary on things that were stressful/unfair regarding pregnancy has turned into a panicked realization that another person will be here very shortly.
At what point do you know you're ready? I don't feel ready - in terms of ready to be done with pregnancy - CHECK, I'm ready for that. But ready to have a baby, at my house, chilling in our spare bedroom, eating food that is made from my body (STILL GROSS) - I'm not so sure I'm ready for all of that. I'm ready to meet her, and love her, and hold her, but to have someone think about me, the way I think of my mom...that's crazy to me. I can't fathom it.
Three of my close friends have recently had babies, they are all adorable and when I see them it is amazing to see how naturally all these women have transistioned to motherhood. While holding a baby this past weekend, it was crazy for me to think that inside my belly there is a little person that looks like me and Chris - a full grown baby is in my stomach. With eyes, and ears, and little toes, and a little butt that she is so fond of jamming into my right rib cage. I feel like an idiot for not truly understanding how this has happened...I mean I know how it happened, but for those of you that know me well - I think it is still unreal to think that in approximately three weeks I will give birth to a baby. I think it was more realistic when I joked about having a unicorn. Seriously, this is me we're talking about, with a baby. I feel like this should be some type of documentary, about the elusive tomboy/workaholic/partier that curses like a sailor (or like her mother) and has the temper of her father and has maybe held a baby a total of 5 times in her life. A friend at work makes fun of me and always tells me to stop acting like I'm the first woman to become pregnant...but sometimes thats what I feel like, this all seems so unreal to me.
My two best friends in Michigan and TX call me occasionally, and we just laugh, because I'm having a baby. For most of you that may not seem too funny, but trust me, it is. Of all the things I've ever been accused of...being overly nurturing is not one of them. Considerate? yes. Well mannered? yes. Sympathetic? yes. Funny? sometimes. Hard working? yes. Emotional? definitely. Nurturing? not so much. Just ask my husband, he will tell you I speak the truth. "I don't care if you have a fever, why are you still sleeping? There are things to be done around this house..."
I'm sure everything will fall into place, and soon enough it will all make sense, and my maternal instincts will kick in, and we'll have this super cool baby with her dads intellect and her moms good looks, her dads speed and her moms coordination, her dads creativity and her moms discipline....hopefully her dads appetite and metabolism....these fruity pebbles are not doing either of us any favors I'm sure.
Until recently, I was a raging Anti Dentite - trips to the dentist usually resulted in my feeling bad about myself, smoking too much, drinking too much coffee, not flossing often enough. But now I would give anything for a good teeth cleaning and a little gum relief. Another thing no one seems to talk about is the rapid decline of your oral health as a result of pregnancy. True, I'm sure all of the candy hasn't helped. But I've gone from a zero cavity gal to snaggle tooth in a matter of months. I gave up Captain Crunch months ago because I'm quite certain that along with the cut gums, my teeth were chipping with every chomp on delicious berries.
I haven't been posting as frequently as I would like these past few weeks. I think the reason is that things are becoming less and less amusing as this pregnancy wears on. What was once playful commentary on things that were stressful/unfair regarding pregnancy has turned into a panicked realization that another person will be here very shortly.
At what point do you know you're ready? I don't feel ready - in terms of ready to be done with pregnancy - CHECK, I'm ready for that. But ready to have a baby, at my house, chilling in our spare bedroom, eating food that is made from my body (STILL GROSS) - I'm not so sure I'm ready for all of that. I'm ready to meet her, and love her, and hold her, but to have someone think about me, the way I think of my mom...that's crazy to me. I can't fathom it.
Three of my close friends have recently had babies, they are all adorable and when I see them it is amazing to see how naturally all these women have transistioned to motherhood. While holding a baby this past weekend, it was crazy for me to think that inside my belly there is a little person that looks like me and Chris - a full grown baby is in my stomach. With eyes, and ears, and little toes, and a little butt that she is so fond of jamming into my right rib cage. I feel like an idiot for not truly understanding how this has happened...I mean I know how it happened, but for those of you that know me well - I think it is still unreal to think that in approximately three weeks I will give birth to a baby. I think it was more realistic when I joked about having a unicorn. Seriously, this is me we're talking about, with a baby. I feel like this should be some type of documentary, about the elusive tomboy/workaholic/partier that curses like a sailor (or like her mother) and has the temper of her father and has maybe held a baby a total of 5 times in her life. A friend at work makes fun of me and always tells me to stop acting like I'm the first woman to become pregnant...but sometimes thats what I feel like, this all seems so unreal to me.
My two best friends in Michigan and TX call me occasionally, and we just laugh, because I'm having a baby. For most of you that may not seem too funny, but trust me, it is. Of all the things I've ever been accused of...being overly nurturing is not one of them. Considerate? yes. Well mannered? yes. Sympathetic? yes. Funny? sometimes. Hard working? yes. Emotional? definitely. Nurturing? not so much. Just ask my husband, he will tell you I speak the truth. "I don't care if you have a fever, why are you still sleeping? There are things to be done around this house..."
I'm sure everything will fall into place, and soon enough it will all make sense, and my maternal instincts will kick in, and we'll have this super cool baby with her dads intellect and her moms good looks, her dads speed and her moms coordination, her dads creativity and her moms discipline....hopefully her dads appetite and metabolism....these fruity pebbles are not doing either of us any favors I'm sure.
Every Kiss Begins with Kay
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy New Year!!!
Our holidays were ok, not as eventful as usual, but rather just another week in the count down for miss muffin to get here. Spending time with Chris's family was great, but I missed everyone in TX terribly and spent a considerable amount of time feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't have a drink.
Of all the things I remember most about this holiday season, it was the amount of emotion the jewelry commercials stirred up in me. Ok, so quick poll. How many of you have ever had a moment like those portrayed in holiday jewelry commercials? Do these infuriate anyone else?
The reality is that we're all running around like chickens with our heads cut off, working full time, trying to guess what presents our loved ones may actually use this year - while maintaining a budget. Getting the house ready for visitors, putting up the gratuitous tree, then unsuccessfully trying to make sure our dogs don't pee on it. Distributing holiday cards to all the appropriate people at work, but having to ensure that what we wrote was sincere, yet generic - both heartfelt and anonymous - these things take effort people!!!
I am not out ice skating on a random pond in the middle of the woods to "I Got You Babe," and getting wobbly knees when my man pulls out necklace. Given my hormonal state, I nearly broke our television everytime I saw this commercial this past holiday season.
I have written my own commercial for next holiday season:
opening scene: Christmas Eve. Digital bedside clock reads 3:24AM... cut to pregnant woman crying uncontrollably while sitting on the toilet, peeing for the 6th time in the past two hours, softly banging her head against the nearby wall, begging/praying to any deity that will listen for the ability to sleep. After washing her hands she looks in the mirror and catches a glimpse of the dirty bathub behind her. She softly curses her husband for not finishing the never ending list of chores she has given him.
scene two: Christmas Morning. Husband sneaks up behind wife while she is pouring milk in her bowl of Fruit Loops, and places small box on kitchen counter. Looking proud of himself as she eyes the box warily and opens it to find a bracelet.
scene three: Husband is in line with hundreds of other husbands returning jewelry.
Closing scene: Husband is on knees with christmas bow on his head scrubbing the bathtub. The camera focuses in on a bottle of (insert your favorite cleaning product here)....with a slogan something like "wives come clean about their real holiday fantasies..."
Sounds like a winner to me.
Our holidays were ok, not as eventful as usual, but rather just another week in the count down for miss muffin to get here. Spending time with Chris's family was great, but I missed everyone in TX terribly and spent a considerable amount of time feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't have a drink.
Of all the things I remember most about this holiday season, it was the amount of emotion the jewelry commercials stirred up in me. Ok, so quick poll. How many of you have ever had a moment like those portrayed in holiday jewelry commercials? Do these infuriate anyone else?
The reality is that we're all running around like chickens with our heads cut off, working full time, trying to guess what presents our loved ones may actually use this year - while maintaining a budget. Getting the house ready for visitors, putting up the gratuitous tree, then unsuccessfully trying to make sure our dogs don't pee on it. Distributing holiday cards to all the appropriate people at work, but having to ensure that what we wrote was sincere, yet generic - both heartfelt and anonymous - these things take effort people!!!
I am not out ice skating on a random pond in the middle of the woods to "I Got You Babe," and getting wobbly knees when my man pulls out necklace. Given my hormonal state, I nearly broke our television everytime I saw this commercial this past holiday season.
I have written my own commercial for next holiday season:
opening scene: Christmas Eve. Digital bedside clock reads 3:24AM... cut to pregnant woman crying uncontrollably while sitting on the toilet, peeing for the 6th time in the past two hours, softly banging her head against the nearby wall, begging/praying to any deity that will listen for the ability to sleep. After washing her hands she looks in the mirror and catches a glimpse of the dirty bathub behind her. She softly curses her husband for not finishing the never ending list of chores she has given him.
scene two: Christmas Morning. Husband sneaks up behind wife while she is pouring milk in her bowl of Fruit Loops, and places small box on kitchen counter. Looking proud of himself as she eyes the box warily and opens it to find a bracelet.
scene three: Husband is in line with hundreds of other husbands returning jewelry.
Closing scene: Husband is on knees with christmas bow on his head scrubbing the bathtub. The camera focuses in on a bottle of (insert your favorite cleaning product here)....with a slogan something like "wives come clean about their real holiday fantasies..."
Sounds like a winner to me.
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